


Without You I'll Be Miserable At Best

by SeraphStarshine



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Bittersweet realization of feelings, Emotional goodbye, First Kiss, Frank is older than Gerard for once btw, Friend moving away, M/M, this made me really sad writing it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-29
Updated: 2016-02-29
Packaged: 2018-05-23 22:43:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6132697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeraphStarshine/pseuds/SeraphStarshine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"I swear Gee, no matter what happens, you will always be my best friend."</i>
</p><p>Or the short fic where Frank and Gerard have been best friends for ages until a move threatens to tear the two of them apart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Without You I'll Be Miserable At Best

"This just isn't fair..." Gerard sniffled quietly, his shaky voice sounding unnaturally loud as it hit the cold air, the effect akin to a gong striking suddenly in an otherwise silent room.

"I know Gee...I'm _so_ sorry, I wish it didn't have to be this way," Frank responded slowly, his gaze fixed downward toward the grass they sat upon instead of into Gerard's red rimmed eyes, his fingers steadily ripping the blades around him to shreds, as if the innocent stalks were to blame for the predicament they were currently trapped in, and Frank was taking out his frustration by destroying them in the same way his and Gerard's lives were being decimated by unhappy circumstance.

"I -" Gerard's mouth snapped shut to trap the lurking sobs inside his throat, unwilling to break down crying in front of his best friend, because he didn't want that to be his last memory with Frank, this was supposed to be a happy day, they had both agreed to that, but _fuck_ \- now that the sun was setting rapidly, all of the sorrow that Gerard had been pretending didn't exist was returning with a vengeance.

Breathing deeply in an attempt to calm himself down, Gerard buried his head into Frank's shoulder, the soft fabric of his oversized hoodie absorbing the few tears that managed to leak past Gerard's shut eyelids, and even though Gerard did his best to focus on the good moments he had shared with Frank, or even just the way he smelled, Gerard's mind kept coming back to the fact that he might never see Frank again after today.

Gerard had been in denial when Frank had first told him a few weeks ago, the word _moving_ a foreign one to him, because nobody left this place, at least, nobody that was important to Gerard, and his childlike mentality twisted that to mean that Frank would stay with him forever, because that was just the way it was _supposed_ to be. Frank was probably just confused, and in a few days, he would apologize for scaring Gerard and swear to never leave his side again.

But that hadn't happened, _of course_ it hadn't, and now Gerard found himself trying his hardest not to cry as he clung to his best friend of ten years like that would keep him here, even though Gerard now knew it wouldn't, and it was only a matter of time before Frank's mother unearthed their hiding place and informed Frank that it was time to go.

"Don't cry Gee... _please_ , I promise I will still call you as much as I can," Frank pleaded, one of his hands tilting Gerard's head up so he could view his puffy face, exposing Gerard to the chilly air, forcing him out of his hiding place, ruining the illusion Gerard had wrapped around himself, and he could no longer pretend that none of this was happening, it was now impossible to convince himself that this was all some crazy, fucked up dream that Gerard would wake up from in the next few minutes.

"I - I'm not crying," Gerard mumbled, turning away so Frank wouldn't catch sight of his quivering bottom lip and watery eyes.

"I just - _ugh_ , this sucks, and I hate seeing you so upset," Frank sighed, threading his fingers through his hair in frustration as he spoke.

"It's okay, it's not your fault...I'll be fine, I mean - I still have Mikey, but I'm going to miss you like crazy," Gerard whimpered, his body shuddering slightly as he considered an existence in which Frank didn't live next door to him, in which his best friend - his _only_ friend - was five hundred miles away instead of five hundred feet.

And _fuck_ \- it hurt, it hurt so much that Gerard was halfway convinced that he was dying, because nothing had ever felt like this before, not even when he had broken his arm when he fell off the merry-go-round, not when he had taken a tumble down his gravel driveway and ended up with ten stitches in his knee; those were all physical injuries, and _yes_ \- they were painful, but this was on an entirely different level of agony, and Gerard wasn't certain if he would ever recover from this wound, _hell_ \- he wasn't sure if he even wanted to, because that would mean moving on from Frank, that would mean replacing him, maybe forgetting him entirely, and that was something that Gerard wasn't capable of, no matter how much time had passed.

"I'm going to miss you too Gee," Frank agreed, and Gerard caught on to the way Frank's voice quavered slightly, and how he tucked his head into his knees, his posture screaming misery and defeat.

Gerard had never seen Frank like this before, and he hated it; his best friend was always the strong one out of the two, the eldest, the wisest, the one Gerard looked up to, the one who had all the answers, but in this instance, Frank was just as helpless as Gerard was, and that realization was terrifying.

 _God_ \- the entire world was full of fearful pitfalls now that Frank wasn't going to be around to help Gerard through it; this move meant that Gerard would have to start high school alone, without Frank there to ease his way into it, he would never again have the option of escaping to Frank's house when he needed to get away from his own, he wouldn't be able to do any of the things that he had taken advantage of in the past, and now all Gerard wanted was for time to rewind, he ached to turn back the clock so he could experience his friendship with Frank all over again, making sure to notice each subtle nuisance of the person who meant so much to him before he no longer had the opportunity to do so.

"You won't forget about me right?" Gerard asked nervously, shifting himself closer to Frank's hunched figure so he could place a gentle hand on Frank's trembling arm, needing some sort of reassurance that his intense emotions weren't one-sided, even though it was obvious by Frank's body language that they weren't, but _still_ \- Gerard wanted to hear it.

" _Never_ \- I swear Gee, no matter what happens, you will always be my best friend," Frank responded instantly, his head shooting up so Gerard could see his sincere features.

"I won't either." Gerard tried to smile, but the expression quickly fell from his face as the sun sank below the horizon, the orange glow that had been bathing the two boys ebbing into purple shadows, and Gerard felt the overwhelming urge to sob welling up in his chest once again, because that meant that the day had come to end, and he was seconds away from losing Frank forever, so with the darkness obscuring him, Gerard gave in and cried, painful hiccups ripping their way out of his chest as he leaned heavily into Frank's side.

"Hey... _shh_ \- it's okay Gee, let it out, I've got you," Frank whispered quietly, his arms coming up to wrap around Gerard's shuddering body, allowing him to bury his face in Frank's chest as he whimpered softly to himself, his tears staining the light gray fabric of Frank's sweatshirt as they continued to spill from his eyes with no sign of stopping.

"I - I'm _sorry_ , you must think I'm such a baby," Gerard choked out in between his cries, and even though a part of him was mortified at the fact that he was embarrassing himself in front of his older, more composed friend, the larger portion of Gerard just wanted to be held, because there was something about being surrounded by Frank's warm body that eased the painful ache in his heart a small fraction.

"No...I don't think that at all," Frank sniffled, and when Gerard raised his head weakly, he realized that Frank was crying too, his tears plopping down his chin before landing on the crown of Gerard's head.

"Frank - five minutes!" a voice called out from the house down the hill, and Gerard knew it was Frank's mother, which meant that this was it, Frank was really leaving him, and nothing would ever be the same after today.

"Don't go," Gerard mouthed, more to himself than to Frank, his arms latching around Frank's torso as he forced himself to calm down enough to give Frank a proper goodbye.

"Gee..." Frank spoke up after a few minutes of nothing but the two boys holding each other fiercely, their eyes slowly drying as they sought comfort in each other's embrace.

"Yeah?" Gerard sighed heavily, knowing that Frank was about to comment on the fact that he had to head home now, but Frank's next words took him by surprise.

"I - I just want to say that you are really special to me, and I know it might seem impossible right now, but I'll find you again... _okay_ \- I have to, and..." Frank's sentence trailed off suddenly, causing Gerard to shoot his friend a questioning look as Frank stared at him, his eyes carrying an unfamiliar, heady emotion that Gerard couldn't quite place, but whatever it was, it warmed his stomach slightly, making him feel safe, and wanted, giving him hope that everything might be okay after all.

"You better," Gerard smiled, a halfhearted, watery smile, but a smile nonetheless.

"I love you Gee," Frank proclaimed, and Gerard knew that, _of course_ he did; he and Frank had been best friends since Gerard was four years old and Frank was six, and those three words had passed between the two boys more times than Gerard could count.

"I love you too Frank," Gerard responded, but for some reason, the repetition of what had once been a routine phrase seemed different, it felt heavy this time around - _earth shattering_ even, and Gerard began to realize that he really _did_ love Frank, maybe more than a friend should love a friend, but it was too late to explore his newfound feelings now, it would only make everything worse when Frank was ripped out of his life, their story left unfinished and ragged until someone glued the book back together once again.

But then Frank leaned forward slightly, his movements slow and controlled, his eyes darting back and forth warily as he tried to gauge Gerard's reaction to his unexpected gesture. Gerard stayed perfectly still, his breath catching in his throat as Frank pressed their foreheads together, their noses bumping awkwardly in the process, causing Gerard to let out an almost silent giggle as he went cross eyed trying to keep Frank's face in focus.

"Is this okay?" Frank asked, his warm breath caressing Gerard's face, erasing the cold nip in the air entirely.

"Yeah," Gerard spoke up instantly, his eyes fluttering shut as Frank shifted slightly to the left, his mouth tilting downward until their lips rubbed together gently, Frank's new lip ring causing Gerard to flinch slightly at the odd texture before his muscles relaxed, his hands clutching tighter to the fabric of Frank's clothing as Frank moved his mouth against Gerard's minutely.

Gerard's brain shut down as soon as Frank began kissing him, because he didn't want to think about why they were doing this, or what it meant to Frank, or how much worse this would make their parting; instead, Gerard focused on how _good_ this felt, on how his and Frank's bodies seemed to fit together, their lips locking into place like they were meant to be this way.

Frank pulled away after a few seconds, keeping the kiss chaste and fleeting, his expression one of pure bliss, his hand touching Gerard's cheek gently before he settled back down onto his previous position in the flattened grass. Gerard grinned broadly at him, no sorrow tinting the expression this time, because the pressure of Frank's lips against his own had managed to erase the pain of Frank's departure, in fact - he had forgotten about tomorrow completely, and the next day, and how he would most likely never feel Frank's lips against his ever again.

None of that mattered right now, because Gerard had just received his first kiss, and it was with _Frank_ _._ All of the buzzing thoughts in the back of Gerard's mind that were screaming that this might very well have been their last kiss weren't loud enough to penetrate Gerard's haze of happiness, even though they would later, Gerard knew that, but he chose to ignore it, only the present mattered at the moment.

Maybe the memory of their brief kiss would be enough to carry Gerard through the lonely stretches that would rush in to take Frank's place as soon as he was gone, but maybe it wouldn't; Gerard didn't know, and he didn't want to ruin his ecstatic state by pondering how horrendous his existence would become without his best friend, not when he still had Frank here with him for a few more precious seconds, and maybe they even had just enough time left for a second kiss.


End file.
